St Pat’s 2013 Drinking Game

posted: 2013-03-15 16:37:30

And now we dedicate a drinking game to that pillar of the drinking calendar – St. Patrick’s Day! This is specifically for the Greenville Avenue parade in Dallas, but we trust you can easily adapt it for your own uses. So get on your Chive shirts, collect all your morals, and place them in a jar where you can easily find them at brunch tomorrow. Please to enjoy on the side of the road with a full cooler, fuller bladder, and empty cavity where your inhibitions used to be.         You’ll Need:

• Cheap beer. Lots of it. Not green. Green beer is for hipsters and pussies. And none of that PBR shit either.
• Questionably Irish whiskey
• Loose morals
• Obnoxious green attire. Nothing says, “St. Patrick’s Day!” like Mardi Gras beads.

Rules:

1. Every time a kid gets hit in the face with candy. – Drink some beer. Fuck people with kids. This is the St. Paddy’s parade motherfuckers, not Chuck E. Cheese.
2. Every time a SMU girl flashes her tits. – Ask her if Daddy knows what she’s doing with her tuition money and take a shot.
3. Every time someone spills beer on you. – Grab their beer. Take a swig. Now you’re even.
4. Every time you see the phrase, “Kiss me; I’m Irish.” – If you’re coupled up, kiss the one you’re with. If your single, shout out, “Oh beer! You’re the only who understands me!” and take a drink.
5. Every time you see a leprechaun. – Shout, “I wanna know where the gold at!” and take a shot
6. Every time you see a cop make someone pour out their beer. – Hold a moment of silence. Pour a little out for your homies and take a drink.
7. Every time you catch someone taking a piss in public. – Drink until they finish.
8. Every time you catch an SMU douche hitting on an underage girl. – Point. Yell, “Date rape!” Take a drink.
9. Every time you see a girl in a cocktail dress or heels. – Yell, “Pot of gold digger!” Take a drink from the pot of gold…schlager. Or that liquid gold in your Solo cup.
10. Every time you see someone passed out in a yard or vomiting. – Yell, “Amateurs!” and take drink. Two drinks if they are passed out in their vomit. **Bonus** If they are just waking up – Hand them a beer and welcome them back to the party.
11. Every time you see a girl crying. – Tell her, “There’s no crying in baseball!” and hand her your beer.
12. Every time you get a dirty look for smoking/drinking/cursing from someone with a kid. – Refer to Rule #1. Then lose your fucking mind. THIS IS THE ST. PADDY’S PARADE. This is a day about debauchery! Its a CATHOLIC FUCKING HOLIDAY. GOD WANTS YOU TO DRINK. Just because your inability to handle you liquor and a condom at the same time resulted in you being saddled with that demon spawn for the next 18 years does not mean the rest of us should have to suffer. You’re parents now. You don’t get to do cool shit like the parade anymore. Take your babies AND GO THE FUCK HOME. There is a drinking holiday for people with kids – its called Thanksgiving. Wait six months and your day will come. Then…

HAVE AN IRISH CAR BOMB & WEAR A CONDOM.

(The Catholic holiday thing only goes so far.)